*Deep sigh, close eyes and sigh again.* Okay, here it goes.

At first I wanted to create a separate blog for this entry but in the end decided to bravely pour it all out here. After all, rediscovering Christ is also an adventure. So why not put it here, right? I want to tell you in advance that what you will read in the next sentences or so is a continuous thoughts. :)

I made a commitment, a commitment that I will never regret ever. I committed myself to Christ. 

When you are tormented and in pain I think no book or friend can console you. Yes, for a while you will feel better. You can cry your heart out to them, share your stories. But when times that you are all alone and darkness and silence was creeping into your thoughts once again you will breakdown. I write love stories and created so many broken hearts, broken spirits but never once that it cross my mind that it will happen to me. Not really the broken heart per se more like broken me. :( For the first time in my life I desperately call Him, prayed hard and almost endlessly. And if God was like my mother He would probably nag me, for what I was saying were almost the same thing. But, no, God is greater and so good than what I thought Him to be. Unknowingly He was comforting me and pointing to the right direction as to what should I do and where I should go. Little by little, step by step, His Words showed me that who am I to complain all the pain I was feeling, all the trials that I went through. I am reminded that the pain I am suffering, the pain I'm feeling was nothing compared to what He's been through. He sacrificed Himself in order to save me from my sins. He suffered an excruciating pain for me. So I stopped wailing and deep within me thank Him for giving me this load of trials. I know that He is breaking me apart to mold me into a better person. A new me, with a new faith stronger than what I believe I have before. For days I am just like a mere student of His hampering His good words. For quite sometime, I was scared. What if after this trial I would go back to the old me? I don't want that. And I am really praying hard not to go back to old me. :( Before forgiving for me is a very hard task, I can tell one person I forgive him/her but deep within me that forgiveness is shallow. But God showed me in His own ways that if I can love why can't I forgive? Even I in so many instances made mistake and dishonoring God, in so many times, in so many ways, then why God is always giving me so many chances that even I couldn't count with my fingers and toes. Every time, everywhere, God is good. He is above all power and above all great minds. He is forgiving and always will accept you with open arms and loving heart no matter how unworthy you are.


Picking up the pieces of your own self is not easy at all. No, it is intense labor, a hard work. God created our beautiful world out of love within seven days so why not can He changed me with so little amount of time. Yes, up to this point I am still experiencing pain, I would not deny that, when night falls I still cry, but unlike those times now I know that I have God beside me, comforting me. Now that I am assured that this 'too shall pass.'




"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him having firmly rooted and now being built  up in Him and established your faith, just as you were instructed and overflowing with gratitude." Col. 2: 6-7